Orgasm is like hysterical laughter

I love being a woman. I think that there is a lot of beauty and power to being a woman. As a woman, there are endless possibilities as to how you can present yourself to the world. I love that about being a woman. I love bright colors and dresses. Really expressing myself in a feminine way is very cool.

I think I started to figure out in my early 20’s that I was sexual, that I was attractive. And my relationships in my early 20’s were pretty shallow, which is okay except that I didn’t know at the time that they were pretty shallow. I didn’t really demand an awful lot in my early 20’s.

I was terrified of boys in high school. I did not have my first kiss until I was 20. I never felt attractive. I always worried that I was too fat or too ugly or that my nose wasn’t small enough, that my hair wasn’t thick enough. I had freckles everywhere. I really didn’t love any part of my physical being enough to share it with anyone.

Even when there was this guy that I was 100% attracted to, 100% in love with and that the sun and moon rose and set above him, I adored him that much; I still had this small wall up as far as being comfortable in my own skin. So I never had an orgasm with him. I couldn’t let that wall down.

I couldn’t let him know my insecurity. And only now, I am 28, only now can I fully engage in sex and just be 100% present in the moment. And it's not about how many positions I can fit into one sexual experience, and it is not about keeping the lights on because men like the lights on, or wearing super expensive lingerie from Victoria’s Secret.

It has nothing to do with all the things I thought it had to do with when I was younger. It’s about just fully being present in the moment and putting my mind aside and completely feeling everything. Feeling his breath, feeling him close to me, just touching and feeling and being nowhere else other than where I am, has made me able to experience orgasm and excitement and be wet. It's really cool, and it has completely changed how I view sex.

I really didn’t start figuring out men and relationships and sex and how to be a healthy sexual, loving, giving woman until I was in my later 20’s. It took me a while to figure out how to integrate love and sex and friendship and compassion and caring and getting to know someone. Those things have finally all started to come together for me in the last couple of years.

Orgasm is just completely losing control in a good way, and it is almost like hysterical laughter, like you just cannot keep it inside. You can’t control yourself. Have you ever been in a situation where like you are in church or you are at a funeral and you can't stop laughing? You think of something completely inappropriate and you just can't control yourself from laughing. And the harder and the harder and harder you try and control yourself, the more and more it wants to come out.

It's like that and there are just no constraints and no restrictions. It is just amazing. Yeah, I really like orgasm. It is a good thing and much much better with someone that you love and you are crazy about than when you are by yourself. It's a totally different experience. Orgasms feel totally different when you are engaged with someone that you are crazy about. They are good when you are alone, but they are phenomenal when you are with someone that you are really into.

Victoria, Artist, 28