Tantra, Eggs, & Polyamory

I went to a Tantra class one time and they talked about these stone eggs that you can use and insert inside of you. You contract and do Kegels on them and they'll build up your muscles. So one day I decided to try an egg, and it was a small egg. But then I couldn't get it out! And then I was very stressed about, “Who can I talk to about this egg being stuck?”

So for hours I walked around trying to get it out but it was way way way gone, I could barely feel it anywhere and I was like, “OK, I can't go to the emergency room with an egg stuck in me.” One of my friends who works with women was in the neighborhood and she said she would stop by. She showed up wearing latex gloves and handed me a spatula as a joke. That was interesting, but it didn't work. She talked me through how to position myself to get the egg out. She had me stand with one leg up and kind of squat and push down like I was giving birth and somehow I found it and got it out. I washed it off and put it on the kitchen counter and that grossed her out for some reason!

Two Tantra teachers said that someone at their workshop asked, “Can you lose your egg?” and they said, “Oh, no you can't lose the egg”. But now they go, “Well, we just have really strong muscles so we never thought anyone could lose an egg in there.” So now they make sure they tell people to use the right sized egg. Mine was too small.

Tantra to me is a way of connecting with people, it could be sexual, it could be sensual, it could be non-physical. It's just a way of connecting with people at a deep intimate level and being completely in the moment with them and open to the experience.

I was introduced to Tantra because I went to a partner yoga playshop taught by a Tantra teacher. She was very active teaching workshops and so I went to a lot of those. I started out going to Tantra Pujas where we had exercises, about 5 minutes each. They were eye-gazing or touching someone's hand or giving them a massage on the back. That allowed me to be in the moment with the person.

It took me many years to get out of my head “Oh, this person really likes me. This person really hates me” and thinking about the future of what all this means and just being there with that person and then letting it go when the time was done. These people were strangers for the most part, especially in the beginning I didn't know anybody. So I practiced these techniques with a variety of people, mostly men, unless we were short on men, then I partnered with a woman.

For the most part, the men understood and followed the boundaries and acted with integrity. Occasionally a few people didn't understand, like the man sucking my toes. That was gross. I didn't tell him not to suck my toes, it just grossed me out because we had been walking around barefoot the whole night on these floors, and it was just gross.

Polyamory, as far as I understand it, is having many loves. Most people mean "lovers", but they use the word loves. It's not swinging and it's not casual sex. It's actually having many meaningful relationships and being open and communicating with each partner. Everyone knows about everyone else. There's no sneaking around or any affairs, it's just that you have many lovers or intimate relationships. You don't have to have sex, but most people do.

I was introduced to polyamory through the Tantra community, because quite a few of the people in that community, and many of the teachers, are polyamorous. Years ago, when I first heard about polyamory I said, “Hell no, never. I don’t want to do that. Why would I want to do that?” And then as I became friends with the people who were polyamorous, it seemed like an interesting concept. I was trying to be very open minded and open to possibility and I thought, well it's worth exploring.

And then I met this guy who was polyamorous and so I thought, “well let's give it a try and see how it goes.” And that was how I was introduced to it and that's how I tried it.

Maggie, Anthropologist, 47